Every second of my little girl's life matters. She has now spent more of her little life with us than without us. She was in China in the orphanage and foster care for 10 months and she has been with us for 11 months.
This simple fact should make me happy; however, I can't help but long for and lament that I was not with her for the first 10 months too. I wish I had been there for her first cry, her first coo, her first giggle, her first smile. I wish I had been there when she was hungry to feed her, when she was cold to warm her, when she was scared to comfort her, when she was sick to hold her.
I wish I had been there in those excruciating moments when a heart broken woman placed her precious newborn daughter in a public place and walked away. I wish I had been there so that she wouldn't have had the chance to be terrified that the warm arms that once held her close were gone. I wish I could have saved her from ever feeling any abandonment.
As put her to bed tonight, I looked into her beautiful, trusting brown eyes and I thought about how I want to experience every second of her. I breathed her in as she is now, her smell, her wiggles, her sucking noises, her gaze, her breath. She is quickly moving beyond her babyhood and becoming a toddler and little girl. I long to experience every second of Lila, past and future.
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3 comments:
:( I wish you could have been there, too. But I am so grateful that you are there for her now. She is a very blessed little girl.
I don't know about her but I know for a fact that we are very blessed!
Julie--I got to your blog through Jennifer's. I had to go back and look at everything and just watched your video of "gotcha day." I cried through the whole thing! Lila is precious. I'm so thrilled for you guys, and am so happy that God gave her to you! I need to get Masyn around Lila and Hannah so they can teach her how to talk! Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Lindy
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